pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
