Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
no you cant smoke seaweed
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
