my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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