I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I will pee on everything he values.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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