You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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