Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
