no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
