She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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