I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize