i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
