This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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