your parents love me but you hate me
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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