I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
