new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
It was confusing and full of hummus
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
