Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you didnt know i had herpes?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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