ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
