Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
