i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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