I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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