Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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