We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
