I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
