We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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