dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Vodka?
Forever.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
