Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
