I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
