I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
