I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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