I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
