in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
