He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
