For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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