sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
its liver damage thursday
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
