i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I wish i was in the wii world.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize