I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
