i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
