There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
