meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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