I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
