Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
my liver is dry heaving
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
