oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Too much gin, very little bucket
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
