I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
