she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize