I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
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