the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
