yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i think im in europe. pls send help
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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