I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
