I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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