Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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