I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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