You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
