found the other keg... it's in the tree
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
