Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
