Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
