I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
it's like iHOP with fire
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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