I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
