my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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