my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
