I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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