Just fell off a train. Bad.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
