..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
