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Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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