dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
