Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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