brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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