OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
