Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
40s are totally the cure
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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