First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
