thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
