got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Rumble strips road head = magical
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
