I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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