I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
