One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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