I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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