Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
