I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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