So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize