4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
