There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
