just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Randomize
