You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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