So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
