Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
