I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize