i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Randomize