HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize