got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
