I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize