john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Do vagina's smell?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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