Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Randomize
