her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
