Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
