Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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