I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
