butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
