I forgot how hot balto sounded
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
