a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
