is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
