I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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