but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
