but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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